Grinch Hunting- day five

Killing Grinches

     I'm sorry for not posting recently. I was kidnapped  by Grinches when I was trying to hunt them. I tried and tried to free myself from the ropes that bound my to the wooden post inside their cave. I tried to silently free my hand from the ropes so I could cut myself free. I tried for a day and a half before I could painfully rip my hand from the impossibly tight ropes. I reached for my knife for the rest of the day, at least, for it was hard to tell time in the cave.
     Eventually I was free! I jumped up and grabbed my laser gun, but the Grinches were gone. Then, suddenly, the Grinches attacked me from behind! I was knocked down, but I was able to turn and shoot them into dust. When I came out of the cave I realized that I hadn't been posting for multiple days! I figured the only thing I could do was to explain what happened and hope you'd understand.
     Either that happened, or I just forgot. But what are the chances that that's what happened...

Grinch hunting- day four

Not Grinch Hunting

      Today I decided not to go Grinch hunting on Sundays, for moral and sanity reasons. The moral reasons I've decided to do it, is because this is church day and stuff. The sanity reasons I don't do it is something nobody knows, for I'm probably insane. Anyways, today I ate seven pizzas. Or did I? I'm very mysterious that way.
     Oh well, since I'm not Grinch hunting, want to check out my awesome video? It it about Grinch hunting. I actually kill a Grinch and record it. I did it today!!!

HERE' THE LINK TO SEE THE VIDEO

     Ha, ha. It was actually not Grinch hunting! I told you I don't hunt Grinches on Sunday!!! I can't believe you fell for that. Anyways, comment on YouTube or this blog if you have something to say about my little trick. He, he, he. However, subscribe if you liked it or not. Anyways, I've almost published another video too. 

     Watch it,

     Like it,

     Subscribe to it.

     Ha, I sound like a Bop-it.

Grinch Hunting- day three

Applying for NASA

     Okay, as you all know, I'm having trouble buying weapons online, and I don't feel like going anywhere to get one, so, perhaps I should try using something else. Maybe, instead of going the eight minutes to the nearest gun store (eight minutes, looked it up), I could go the seven light-years till a find a planet with laser guns!!! Everyone knows that seven is less than eight under any circumstances. Just see Shel Silverstein's amazing poem 'Smart'. It goes like this:

 

My dad gave me one dollar bill

'Cause I'm his smartest son,

And I swapped it for two shiny quarters

'Cause two is more than one!

My dad gave me one dollar bill

'Cause I'm his smartest son,

And I swapped it for two shiny quarters

'Cause two is more than one!

Just then, along came old blind Bates

And just 'cause he can't see

He gave me four nickels for my three dimes,

And four is more than three!

And I took the nickels to Hiram Coombs

Down at the seed-feed store,

And the fool gave me five pennies for them,

And five is more than four!

And then I went and showed my dad,

And he got red in the cheeks

And closed his eyes and shook his head--

Too proud of me to speak!

     You see my point? Under any circumstances. Therefore, I guess I should order a rocket. So I looked it up on Google Shops. I typed in spaceship, but, like on the 19th, all I got was completely unrelated stuff like stupid spaceship inner tubes, or T shirts!!! I was enraged. Maybe I could get a rocket from another distant planet, but then again, how will I get there? It was like the entire world was against me, and I wanted to blow it up, with all of those stupid Grinches with it. 

     Then it came to me; maybe I should join NASA! I quickly went back to Google and typed in 'how to apply for NASA'. It WORKED!!! The fourth result was exactly what I needed! It brought me to the NASA website, and there was a link on the page that said 'If you've graduated from college or are in the military, and you're ready to apply, here's how.'

     Okay, so I haven't graduated from college and I'm not in the military. I was sure they'd understand, though, once I told them I just wanted to kill Grinches, so I clicked the link.

Grinch Hunting- day two

Shopping for Missiles

     Okay, today I figured that if I keep rambling on like I did yesterday I am going to have no people reading this blog. So, today, I went on Amazon to shop for weapons. I figured perhaps I could get somebody else who is 18 years or older (see Grinch Hunting- Day 1) could be convinced to order for me. 

     So, anyways, I went to Amazon, and searched 'missiles' in all departments. The first three results were just books about missiles, but, on the fourth result, I saw it. Revell Monogram USA/USSR Missile Set. It was perfect!!! Well, it was until I looked closer, and saw that it was 'Revell Monogram USA/USSR Missile Set Plastic Model Building Kit'. I was so sad I almost cried. 

     I didn't give up, though. I searched missiles again, but this time in the Electronics section. The first result was a dream come true. It was more like a 'Dream Cheeky 908 Thunder Missile Launcher NR Electronic Reference Device', because that's what it was!!! I was so excited!!! It was even the full name of the object- in the electronics section!!! I opened it up to have a closer look, and I saw it was USB powered, and shot foam missiles. I didn't know what to say! 

     Oh well, I guess I can try again tomorrow. By the way, did you like my poem from the other day? I though it up on the spot. That's the gift of a true poet.

Grinch hunting- day one:

Procrastination

     Today I ate a sandwich. It tasted like mozzarella cheese and ham. That's because that's what was in it. Did you know that ham comes from pigs. Well it does, just like milk comes from bats. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: 'Hey, milk comes from cows, not bats!' Well...

READ BIOLOGY LOSERS!!!!

     One of the characteristics of all mammals is that they provide milk for their young. Bats are mammals. So are platypuses, amazingly. Did you know that when platypuses milk their young the mother lies on her back and lets the milk ooze out through their skin, which the baby platypuses lick clean from the mother. Well, it's true.
     Now, I know that you want me to start hunting Grinches, but I don't have the giant weapons yet. I should order them soon. Unfortunately, you must be 18 or older to order. You need to be 18 or older to order anything now- even those Stompies. You know those animal slippers in which their ears fly up if you stomp on them? They even had their own tune when they were showing the commercials. Stomp-stomp-stomp, stomp-Stompies. But, if you've seen that commercial you would also know that at the end when they talk impossibly fast they end with saying: 'You must be 18 years or older to order.'
     Man, now I wish I had a time machine so I can go forward a bunch of years to when I'm 18 years or older, so I can order.

How I wish I had a time machine

Oh, how I wish I had a time machine,

for if I did,

I would go into the future

and by dangerous guns 

to shoot Grinches with.

And they will wither in pain

as I hose them with bullets,

and I will finally have

something decent to blog about.