Grinch hunting- day one:

Procrastination

     Today I ate a sandwich. It tasted like mozzarella cheese and ham. That's because that's what was in it. Did you know that ham comes from pigs. Well it does, just like milk comes from bats. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: 'Hey, milk comes from cows, not bats!' Well...

READ BIOLOGY LOSERS!!!!

     One of the characteristics of all mammals is that they provide milk for their young. Bats are mammals. So are platypuses, amazingly. Did you know that when platypuses milk their young the mother lies on her back and lets the milk ooze out through their skin, which the baby platypuses lick clean from the mother. Well, it's true.
     Now, I know that you want me to start hunting Grinches, but I don't have the giant weapons yet. I should order them soon. Unfortunately, you must be 18 or older to order. You need to be 18 or older to order anything now- even those Stompies. You know those animal slippers in which their ears fly up if you stomp on them? They even had their own tune when they were showing the commercials. Stomp-stomp-stomp, stomp-Stompies. But, if you've seen that commercial you would also know that at the end when they talk impossibly fast they end with saying: 'You must be 18 years or older to order.'
     Man, now I wish I had a time machine so I can go forward a bunch of years to when I'm 18 years or older, so I can order.

How I wish I had a time machine

Oh, how I wish I had a time machine,

for if I did,

I would go into the future

and by dangerous guns 

to shoot Grinches with.

And they will wither in pain

as I hose them with bullets,

and I will finally have

something decent to blog about.